I grew up playing lots of computer games. Nintendo, Super Nintendo, N64, PlayStations 1 through to 4. I would have to say my game of choice was a shoot’em up. There is nothing quite like racking up a sweet kill streak.
Now, I’m not a crazy person, but I’ve always been interested in guns. I remember going to the sports day at my football club where we had several different stations to compete on. One of which, and my favourite, was the pistol shoot. A little handheld gun that fired plastic bullets at paper targets. Closest to the centre wins. I was actually pretty good at it. All that Playstation time has resulted in some excellent hand to eye coordination.
Now in the present, I am a very happy Father of 2, a boy and a girl. My son has kitted himself out with a vast array of weapons of the Nerf variety. Little replica guns that fire foam darts. Not painful unless you get hit in the wrong place.
On my son’s birthday he received more weapons to add to his arsenal. A couple of pistols, a laser sighted glock and a shotgun. Now of course I was not going to let the children get away with sole custody of these.
The other night I was sitting on the couch and I picked up a 3 dart pistol and whilst my daughter was sitting eating her dinner I fired a shot toward the back of her head. I really am a loving father…..honest. I just know she has the same sense of humour as me and after the dart hit her squarely on the crown, she turned around and smiled at me. A good shot. But this gun has 3 darts, time for shot number 2. This one fizzed across the room missing her and hitting the pantry door. 1 shot left, I take aim and fire.
Now I should mention that slightly to the right of my daughter was my unaware, innocent son. Not the intended target but the receipent of the shot. The bullet flew gracefully through the air like Torvil being thrown by Dean and hit him about 2mm south of his left eye. A Head Shot. In the gaming world this was perfect. In the real World I had to play Dad. I ran up to my crying son and hugged him. After a while my wife told me I hadn’t actually apologised yet and my daughter told me I was laughing. Both were true. I said sorry and then basked in the glory of a great shot. Eventually after the shock he found the funny side and proceeded to shoot me multiple times which I had to take as my punishment.
Later that evening we decided to have a pitch black death match. Basically turning all the lights off in the house and then hiding and shooting. We chose our weapons, loaded them up and it was Daddy vs the Children. They had the fantastic idea of holding a torch to spot me in the darkness, it had the opposite effect of lighting them up like a lighthouse and providing me with the perfect target.
After my win I decided to show my daughter how they do it in the movies. You know the move, where they have a torch in the left hand, palm down, pointing forward. In the right hand they have a gun which rests on the wrist of the left hand, so both gun and torch are pointing in the same direction. I turned off the lights, sent her to the other side of the room, turned on the torch and when I saw her beautiful, kind, caring, 9 year old trusting face I fired and got her straight in a closed right eye.
Oh my! I am such a bad parent. But fuck! I am a fantastic shot!
Made me laugh so much loved it
You are so dry but that makes it funny. Xxx